Past next friday and i will be officially a quarter century years old. Just like the picture i wish i can put a stop sign as and when i feel like and have that work for me. The sad part of it all this is what i would call as a wishful thinking on my part. There going be gatherings over a few days celebrating my one more year older.

Somehow i din relate any of this to my friends that rather than feeling elated i feel rather subdued and down actually and it gets so now that its drawing nearer to my official quarter century years old. Don get me wrong i enjoy all this small miracles of life ( Royston if you reading this yes i do read your motivational emails that you send me) i am thankful for every breath i take that keeps me awake the next day.

But somehow i just feelmy life seems fleeting and its becoming apparent that somehow along the way many things are beginning to not fit for me. It does not feels comfortable for me anymore. I getting lost to be honest. I welcome silence, imaginary world of mine that i created every night before i go to sleep on my bed. Yes, i do those things these imaginaries scenarios that i created for myself sort of to comfort myself. I don know its not that things around me are dark and bad times. I 25 years old yes i am still young but i seen enough and sometimes my life just have blockages that makes it difficult for me to do what i want to...

Life is fleeting and you got to make the most of it. I believe i am trying. I doing all i can but each day each time i feel somewhat as if i achieve nothing of much that i feel hei! i did a good thing today i achieve something.. Like trying on sizes so far things are either too big or too small.. Work is fine, its getting pretty laid back now that most of the important stuff are done and over with.. but yet now i at work i don feel so good, the stares i get from people, the ignorance look i get.. the no apparent !@#$%^ face i get from people.. I tired of being politically correct all the time at work.. To ask becomes not proactive, and when proactive we are told to do some judgements; so to act on it or not to act on it becomes more of a battle i do everyday at work.. its tough when you have to adapt to so many frequent changes of people around you and it just bores you down.. i do feel demoralised at work.. think its time to change...

My personal life well what can i say is as that is waiting for an absolution.. what i am waiting for i do not know... everything is so trancient and i don know where each of them heading.. but with signs and telltales its leading no where with anyone of them i am in contact with..

People say growing up is a pain.. somehow i feel its not pain sometimes it can be excruciating.. there are of course at times where its feels like heaven.. i am 25 years old.. life gets complicated and it gets entangled more and more as years gone by.. life screws us up or we screw lifes up either ways we are screwed..

Mood: Melancholy (listening to Casper's Lullaby)