Tomorrow is the end of 2006 and thus here comes the last entry of my rambling here on my blog. The frozen Sanctuary has been a place where my thoughts and feelings for the day has been recorded and things that i wish to speak or bring up. Today the day went by pretty uneventful.. The good thing was i finally settled for my bed for my room HURRAH! I went to the gym alone which has become quite a norm nowadays and had a good work out considering i been sick for the longest time.. DARN the weather..
Well after that met Bryce and Adrian.. It was nice spending time with them though they were LATE.. but ok lah.. Indera apparently work nite n didnt inform us until when i ask abt wat time meet in the day then did we know..

I worry about tomorrow... Its the countdown and my gut feeling tomorrow countdown will be a dreadful one for me just like when 2006 began. First and foremost at LAST my countdown is again spend being single alone.. Up till now there isnt any plan yet as to how me indera bryce and adrian going to countdown. Apparently Bryce and adrian has some friends gathering for pre countdown party or something.. Indera is working and well.. i be busy with the hari raya festivities but other than that i am alone.. and since the nite i guess the countdown is going to be another last min plan.. I just don feel good... I might though just skip it all and all at least i won be so miserable...

I guess Just now while out with Bryce and Adrian.. Bryce sense my lost feeling and uneasiness and something wrong with me.. I can see it in his eyes.. I don know i just feel something missing from me.. Some hollow feeling and well somehow going out with them and all amplifies this weird hole in myself... As much as i appreciate their company and welcome their company somehow.. i don know just feel weird abt myself i guess.. Somehow or rather as much as I am comfty arnd them.. i just feel out of place i guess.. maybe cause they are a couple and its feels funny too because Indera not there.. Nowadays Indera always not around.. I kind get use to the fact that Indera not arnd much anymore... and its notnice sometimes i feel when i talk abt the past and Adrian has no clue to it.. Whatever it is its not a good feeling.. i guess.. i just prefer to blend in to the surrounding instead... Somehow being noticed isnt something i prefer nowadays..

Maybe what makes it feel weird is because somehow going out with Bryce and Adrian.. it remind me of wat happen when Bryce was with Kenny... Maybe tats why it brings back kinda not nice memory... the whole feeling of being lampost extra and watsoever nots.. Somehow weird thing is i find solace in my room alone.. 2007 coming and i don know wat in store for me.. The whole day today worries me that tomorrow is going be the same... it seems everything is not plan.. so.. if at the last moment.. everything falls out of place.. then i just not going to countdown anymore.. Ignorance is bliss sometimes..

One thing that i very happy is my best fren finally found someone whom can love him back.. Thats great! the guy great too... very attentive and caring despite his age.. And honey.. don worry about ppl saying abt the luck thing and etc.. Don worry.. ppl are just wanting to be in your shoes.. u know how nasty the green eye monster can get.. Trust me i heard more comments about u being hot then being the lucked out to get someone hot yeah! I think you know this better than i do.. Your partner doesnt seems to care or mind it a bit. and as far as i can see his eyes are set on you.. so basked in it knowing u loves u for who u r my dear..

I guess somehow this year i found out alot abt myself and until now i think no one really knows me anymore.. haha... i been keeping so much now to myself that many a thing even indera and bryce don know and i don intend to tell.. i don know.. I guess at the end of the day they always be there for me.. but well most of the other times i have me myself and I.. I have myself to depend on to whatever obstacles that comes my way.. i don know but let just see wat 2007 brings.. At least let me have the hope that 2007 brings much mirth joy and happiness and stability...

Wish me luck! i need it i sure.. Help me find what this gaping hole is all about wat can i do to satisfy this hole...

Feeling : Lost* which part of me did i lost?

The rambling begins today with a recapped of what happened yesterday. After a hard day at work of doing all those letters.. all 189 letters BLEARGH.. I went for dinner with a couple of my assistant directors for a farewell dinner to one of the officers who leaving Singapore for a posting overseas.. the place was set... HOTEL 1929 at this restaurant called Embers.

http://www.hotel1929.com/dining/ember.htm check this place out!!!!!

All i can say is SUPERB. the price was abit pricy but nonetheless food was GREAT.. Like a pure sua ku i am i ate this Foie Gras, my first and most probably next time i just give it a skip.. Totally not my kind of palate.. the rest was great the salad was fantastic with the dressing and haha i felt like a lamb or sheep eating grass.. AS U ALL know i am a non veggie person only on exceptions if its good and its not cooked do i eat it. yeah yeah weird i know.. Nonetheless.. i recommend this place to anione who wants a good dinner time with friends to talk and such.. of course dining etiquette applies.. we started at 7.30 ended like at 10.30.. Just think about it.. such a long dinner that was only the mini chef special.. not even the full chef special.. A must try if you go there is the pasta and the seabass.. MY GOD those two are FANTASTIC.. DELICIOUS... savouring every bits of it.. the crabmeat was good but wasnt the best unlike the other two i mentioned.

Today i feel more at ease and freeer haha if there is such a word.. hahaha.. because i had a very good talk with the person and cleared the whole air up. So i feel much more at ease and not so troubled anymore.. REJOICE REJOICE.. one lesser thing to handle.. but what comes as a suprise is how direct i am these days.. i say it as it is and ask as it is.. no beat around the bush and such.. ME NO SHAME!!! hahaha...

MOOD : Relax, CALM

I haven got the time to do much postings of my blog. Frankly speaking from the look of my blog, you can tell i am super amateurish at this blogging thing especially the design... I still yet to find a design that suits what the name of my blog is.. ITs just look too amateurish and cutie rather than what i should have been, well for now must satisfy with what i have first.. which is this... robot thingy..

Well if you must know i am now at work and instead of fulfilling my duties to be doing my work here i am snaking away from work and yeah.. well blogging.. My mind not at ease at the moment..sometimes i wonder since when was it ever at ease but that aside.. Well... someone please advise me on this... You met someone.. whom caught u by suprise.. The person isnt exactly THE ONE but knowingly that life you can never find the one. The person almost there.. BUT.. this is where the anti climax part is and the one that causing me headaches.. The person is leaving for another country soon... to further ones career and education and was expressing to me about working there after the graduation. So Tell me Should i just leave it be at friends or just FUCK it(mind my language) enjoy the time now knowing later its ending for sure or... just take it and see how it goes and yet still knowing the person is leaving... One other issue.. the person is XTREMELY busy.. Not meeting everyday or most of the time don bothers me but sometimes makes me wonder then where do i stand in the person organiser?

I been having night meet up with my best fren lately.. we been talking alot of life lately.. and specifically about our screwed up love life. Why is it our love life is so complicated and always starts with turbulence.. what happen to what they called the the honey moon period of the first three month.. it starts with turbulence and before you know it it ended..

2006 proves to be a better year than 2005.. time passes by so fast and before you know it 2006 is behind us and will never come back.. it was only yesterday i remembered praying hard for the new year to come.. and so it came and went... There wasnt much heartaches..lots of time being lonely and naughty at the same time.. but yeah love life wise yeah.. i defintely livng the life of anne Hathaway in Devil wears prada (http://www.devilwearspradamovie.com/) Thats me in the movie the only difference is now the part where my boss turns nice to me.. that the stage i am in now.. however my lovelife isnt as sweet as the ending in the show.. like they say you know your career going somewhere when your life is in turmoil.. The year coming to an end so you be reading alot of the recapped of what happen this year for me now that i am in the corporate world.. the lamentation of how life sucks, the love for the money to spend... the idea that i have grown up, the whole responsibility shit and in general about my life as it is...

This year christmas i be spending 2 floors beneath the ground.. being a good samaritan a consular officer for all those Singaporean outside there who are in distress.. YES u r reading this rite.. i scheduled for DAMN duty on CHRISTMAS day itself YIKES!! I crossing my finger hoping no major bombing or watsoever happening anywhere.. YOU PEOPLE TROUBLEMAKER OUT THERE.. HOLD YOUR PLANS ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND THOSE CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS STAY OUT OF ACCIDENT AND TAKE BLARDY CARE OF YOUR BELONGINGS... and JAsmine honey sorry this year got to skip going to your house for the annual christmas party.. BUT don despair your present is neatly seating in my room back home waiting for you... see i can be nice if i want to or warrants it whenever i want..

To you out there... the MATT guy.. Thank you for finally being able to help me sort out my problem as to why.. why people leave me during dating.. What is so wrong and what happen.. FInally somehow my questions are answered though maybe the wrong answer but at least its an answer that i may well sit and be comfortable with.. ITS amazing how comforting reasonable reasons can be to a human soul.. YOU HAVE NO IDEA what a great favour u done... if you are reading this Thanks alot.. and i still think you are a HUNK not a whatever as you called yourself to be.. BTW its still a 0 score you know. You were suppose to score points.. and you have not yet scored any. ::P better work hard at it boi...

Bryce dearest.. ITS so nice to have you back home here.. feels like old time where those meet up sessions ends with both of us patting our back... I think and foresee we both be doing this alot in many more years to come and hopefully all the way till we wrinkled and pruned up... Indera honey... where r u? you becoming one hell of the devil prada herself eh... being meryl streep rite?

Ok too long a posting... Constantine i know you be reading this..enjoy your holiday and christmas with your family and friends the COWBOY style and i be waiting still for you to bring me go horse riding in the mountains.. :P work hard so u can sponsor me there.. hehehe..

HUGS TO ALL and in case no well wishes was posted for the coming christmas i better wish everyone in advance merry christmas and happy new year.. LOVE YA ALL LOTS....

Now that i have more time at work. I am able to blog today and stop the procrastination of blogging about my Shanghai trip which by now is quite a passe topic already. Nonetheless,I shall still put it in my blog..

The trip for all of you to know is not a holiday as wish it was. It was what i called a trip to study on the work that i do here in Singapore and how its manageed overseas. As you know i work for the Ministry of Foreign Affairs so yeah.. well.. the trip was great, the bunch that went with me were a quirky silly fun bunch that was so easy to warm up to. Apart from the chilling cold weather, everything else went fine.. the jostling and pushing is commoon norm there in China was something one sure would need to get accustommed to. Nonetheless i still had my fair share of fun. Walking around in the sight seeing places are breath taking i know the pics don see it but u got to go there to believe it... :P haha tourism promotion going on here.. Well.. enough words here are the pictures...

TADAAAAHHHHHH!!!

The rest of the photos can be found at http://new.photos.yahoo.com/fazthad/album/576460762371348035...

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The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

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This entry today is different from the ones that was previously posted. This blogs today comes from me today. I just came back from Shanghai yesterday. Work got me there to see the great wonders China now has become. No wonder China has taken the centre stage for the world in every aspect from politics to business.. Enough about China. My next few postings will bring you the highlights of what i went through in Shanghai the new cosmopolitan city...

Today i spent the whole day at home.. alone... after that short stint alone in Shanghai and away from home and after spending time alone at home.. somehow I sorted certain aspect of my thinking.. Nowadays to sit and have my brain to work its pretty hard.. I learnt a great deal of things these last two weeks.. I spend it with 14 strangers whom work in the same building but never bonded or even talked to.. However being around strangers i was forced to step out of my circle and to step up and learn to manage my new circle of comfort.. its funny how i have to be myself and yet at the same time hide some aspect of my life that has to be kept hidden due to the nature of work iteslf and other personal matters... As much as advance society and world has move some things just will never proceed and move... right in front of my eyes.. i seen it and heard it.. as much as my heart sank.. living the life and being around you learnt to accept swallow and live around it and try not to let it gets you down...

Life itself has its many tribulations.. One has to know when to rise up to challenge it and which to back down and let it pass you by. I learnt a great deal about how to carry oneself in an environment where you be accepted only to a certain extent. The world can be vicious.. each one of us has to learnt to be both the predator and the prey. Studying the surrounding you are in, you learnt to know which boundaries are meant to be kept at an arms length which one are to kept as close as possible. It was clear to me for the past two weeks that many a things are beyond my control and work wise its better to keep things at an arm length.

Its hard to work your way up prove your worthiness yet at the same time not losing yourself. Keeping it up is a great chore and great discomfort. Pleasing others and yet keeping your dignity and rights is a difficult balance. One has to learnt how to adapt to it. strike a balance one may say. However the words itself i feel runs deeper.

Balance is never equal in anyone's eye. What poison to one may be honey to others. Balance isnt about striking the correct measurement however balance is about striking the best that fits and tailor exactly to each other's interest. One thing i learnt is that in life itself you got to learnt to be able to act and at times be relax and just come out of the shell and just be yourself. There is nothing wrong with shirking from being who you are at times if the benefits itsself balance itself out for oneself. Not telling the full truth doesnt makes one less of a person if the weight of truth brings more harm that it does good.

Today staying home watching my Grey's Anatomy, Lord of the rings and i not stupid brings many a perspective to me. How each of these seems to convey its message to me on life itself, the power of hope faith and believe and that how some teachings from past or present doesnt always tailor to getting things right... How words and actions brings benefits far more that what one think and that how with hope and confidence and believe one can reach the peak...

Life is all about striking a balance that best benefit the interest of oneself and its surrounding. I seen someone from my past who walks out on me just like that. I ran after the person wanting to know why that person walks out on a relationship in silence leaving me with all the questions mark.. At a crossroad joins a car came and halt me there... As i stood there watching the person walk on, i realise that its a past that never come back.. I realise in this case i dint turn my back on the person.. The person turns his back on me.. I did my best to make it work and the person chose to gave up.. I gave my all what more could i have done.. if it fails its not me its the person.. i turn and walk back only to realise at the glimpse i saw the person turn back.. Though i went back with many memories and all, i felt refresh because i knew i was able to walk with no regrets.. i don need a reason to know why the person left me because there isnt one i want because i know its the person choice.. and if its anything about me.. thats who i am i gave my best.. NO REGRETS..

One flaw that i have noticed in me is i beginning to be very big on myself.. i need to learnt to lower myself and be more humble.. I will need to work on that.. and REMEMBER i need to be more positive thinking and more positive talking.. always remember " A bad apple isnt a bad apple whole.. if you throw away there is nothing left.. if you cut away the back one the good ones will shine and still has its worth..

Everyone of us has an angel and devil.. Seek the angel out and its strength will shine and flew way high for all to admire...