It was a last minute decision, something i would say more out of the moment decision that i decided to watch the show with Benjamin.. Not really knowing the synopsis of the show except for the fact its about a boy meet girl, boy fall in love, girl not on same agenda and blah blah blah..
Well it turned out that the show had more depth to it and more reflection than i thought.. The show did well in making one think and making one able to connect with the characters in the show.. the definition of love, the idealism behind the one and fate and the idea of you know it when it happens to you..
What the show din tell you is this " What happens when IT happens to you but then the IT does not happen to the other person, then what?" The show informs of the hard sordid truth that everything mostly is a conincidence, something that happens at the right or wrong time to you, he loves her but she not looking for a boyfriend but in the end became someone's wife, as bitter as the truth was she did say something honestly " I found it in him something which i couldnt find in you". Its a hard piece of truth but that truth is the best medication for him because by knowing the truth that he isnt her IT could he then finally move on and goes on again.. She however stole something from him the idealism of something positive but however gave him the tenacity and the will to carry on living and becoming stronger and taking things with a pinch of salt..
I hate the idea that the show makes me remember my last IT and how it tore me apart and took me a while to piece myself together and in many sense, that me is piece together but never really am complete anymore nor is it ever the same, in a way i lose some and i gain some.
IT decided to end what we were having at the stroke of midnight to 2009. Decision made a while back and i guess i failed to make IT change his mind.. three months of sadness that overwhelm me and that each day a storm always hangs over my head. My smile was forced and the sadness was hidden behind a face that void of expression.
Days become deary and literally sometimes you pig out hoping the food digest it away or listen to music, getting in bed and stayin in bed.. basically do everything you can do make it go away.. or make it stay either way it not healthy.. It took three month mourning, two months in the States and one two more months of stablising myself that i decided to open up and move on and get to know people out there not to find a replacement but just to start living again and hopefully if IT happens again may it be mutual...
I stop hoping much for it lest i be dissapointed again and falls back on the ground..though deep in my heart i do want to sleep at night in the arms of someone i can call my own, waking up to see IT still sleeping and breathing looking all serene or waking up seeing IT lking at me and feeling belong.. Having something to look forward to after the end of a hard day of work, a meal or something along that line...
Its the companion that miss most, the known idea that you can snuggle into the person arms or have your arms around the person, talking nonsense being that crazy you and all knowing that even after despite knowing you the person still loves you for who you are..
I guess in us, humans the most important thing that makes us human is attachment. it is with attachments that one opens up to loving someone and making sacrifices and being just..happy.
Contentment pours in when the attachment is there, when you grown to love the work you do or the job you are in the attachment makes you stay and be productive, when you start loving the people around you, the attachment makes you keep them in your mind, heart and communicate always, keeping them close..
I never knew if the IT will happen to me again.. and if it does happen will my IT be the same feeling that feel with the last IT, will i know that this is IT or will i doubt it and wonders about it, scare to embrace it remembering how it tore me apart or that i will embrace the IT knowing that the last failed one has made me more resilient to find what is ultimately my own happiness and that of finding the right coincidence that is rightfully mine?