Hmmm... Commitment is something that comes across my mind today. Was just listening to random song and Yue Ding came up... Though Randomly the song brings a few things to mind.. That i witness an event the last two days that is base on the word commitment. The one that I witness and was a part of was a commitment in marriage where the sacred vows of marriage and love was professed to a girl and a guy.

Witnessing such an event brought a smile to my face and a tinge of sadness to my heart. Knowing that this was something so beautiful to witness and at the same time wondered will i get that same kind of commitment that happens not to people around me but to me. So far nothing worked out for me. All that i got was just rejections after rejections.

I so happy to see my friend got married to her prince charming and i sure he will be a fantastic husband to her. Sometimes i guess its nice to live and bask in the happiness of others. Its what sometimes one call a comfort cushion. A temporary borrowing of someone else happiness to liven up your own pathetic life. My life complicated and unless you know me you think i just taking the easy way out. I wish there was an easy way out Some form of psychotherapy or shock therapy. But i guess aftermath of living to the happiness of others when you are left on your own, you feel the sudden hollow and emptiness in your life. Loneliness crept in followed by some pangs of sadness then waves of emotion before culmination of tearing up. I live through another day many more days to come. What awaits me in the future no one knows how good or bad it is i guess i got to bite and pull through... Look in the direction of the sun and the rays will guide you to your happiness..

Mood : Mixture & Confuse

I knew Kenshi from the world of cyber for quite a while and well after perhaps a year or a year plus finally we met up on my second visit to KL.

He been nothing but sweet and so hospitable. Someone very tall yeah.. 1.9m the blardy bugger.. lol.. the Gentle giant of KL. Very sociable and affectionate person.. very at ease with telling people of how he feels nothing second guessing. Since i had Indera along, I was introduce to Alex another one of Kensh's friend.

A very well mannered man with quiet demeanour but well after warms up he a very nice person. warm as hell a person although rather quiet but ever full of smile and like Kenshi says " Never leave anyone behind" will always watch his back to make sure everyone walking together..

Well to you two thanks for your company. Thank you Kenshi for your hospitality. Its nice to have the super damn long chat with you and your great company over the whole time i was there. Say hello to the other two friend of yours whom we met at KLCC i think forgotten their names too. Lots of Love and Hugs!

Just over the last weekend i had made kinda of yet again another last minutre trip to Kuala Lumpur. The capital city of Malaysia.. This time the visit seems more interesting than the last time i was there.

The trip there was more adventurous than previously due to the many hiccups and screw ups but all went well.. Due to work schedules, I took the 3.30pm bus to KL from Transtar premium class treated good in the bus.. like in some airline.. no complaints!!

I met up with a friend in KL. First time meeting after knowing him for a long while actually. Due to again some faults, i was dropped off at Pasar Rakyat and not Puduraya as mentioned by the operator who sold me the tickets. Well thanks to the kind soul of the bus steward i was accompanied walk to the Pasar Wang where i decide to take the cab to meet my friend. Never in my life would i thought that taking a cab in Malaysia would be that challenging... cut story short i met up with Kenji and got to know his friend Alex..

Stayed overnite at his place before proceeding to Indera's relative house the next two subsequent night thanks to the no rooms available in KL. I got cruised when i was shopping alone in KLCC. the audacity of these youngsters.. I had a good meal at A&W, Kenny Rogers, Domino's pizza and some other snacks throughout the entire trip. Diet is thrown out the window.. Manage to get FCUK, Seeds, Padini and some other stuff.. Manage to even squeeze in two games of bowling.. some vegetating with drinks and party my nites aways in LA Queen and the club below it not sure whats its called..

Then back to Singapore and rushed for my lessons where i practically get stared at by the lecturer who thinks i some sort of a punk who aint serious about schooling and etc.. Well.. Part 2 of my KL Trip will be about my dear Kenshi and friends.. and Part 3 a short write up about my Club night. This is just the summaryof my trip to the land of the twin towers.. :)

I am at work now and yes if you are asking if am skiving again the answer is a yeah and a no. Well basically what needed to be done at work is done.. secondly its a short break from the long ardous time of staring at the screen...

I was just thinking many things have happen from my last posting till now and yeah i know i procrastinating about posting about my Stand Chart marathon stuff.. the medals and pic.. Well one is i am lazy to take picture of it secondly haha i cant find my bloody photo from the official organiser which SUCKS... but at least i have the medal to prove i DID it in the name of Reuben Kee and the other dragonboaters..

Second thing is i finally officially joined the dragon boaters of my work place and well forming a new team to work hard at dragonboating.. Yes i have become one of the dragonboaters... strange but true.. am a dragonboater now.. lol.. the irony of it all.. Well like they say you got to try everything once i guess. Achieve and try as much as possible and see where that leads me. Maybe i learn something about dragonboat and who knows i might even light it. the whole camadarie and etc.

So tomorrow onwards starts my short wild and busy schedule of what i call a short vacation which i sure is going to leave me SUPER exhausted. Tomorrow morning will be my photoshoot with the Asiaone for the finals. its an outdoor SHOOT!!! YIKES!!!! at VIVO city double YIKES!!!!

Next will have to rush down to golden Mile to catch my coach to Kuala Lumpur for 6 hours. While in that freaking coach have to do my reading for my class so that i won miss out on what the class did and discuss. A whole freaking book on politics, economics and such.. *yawn* Meeting Kenshi there at 9.30 and off havocing in KL haha till Indera comes..

Sat and Sun has yet to be mapped out other than the fact i will definitely gym there and check into the Hotel. then the shopping spree and endless walking begins from Sat til Sun. Party till we drop.... :P with dearest Indera again.. Jay cant join and Bryce far away in Yunnan. Would have love you guys there too.. Faisal guess too last min for him..

Then i come back on monday str8 rush to class for my lectures and tuesday is the quiz.. and back to work on tuesday.. Can you just imagine the kind of mad rush i going through.. SOOOOO can die..... Good thing is i make full use of my time and thats what i want. No more lazing on my ass got to get up and pumping again..

So wish me luck man.. hopefully i will not embarrass myself and do well in my new arena i taking..

My mind now is like the rat here. One small rat taking on the big world. Pretty daunting and quite honestly its one damn darn of a scary deal. I am currently at a cross road again. Its not about personal but more of a career sort of thing.

There are a few thoughts that been running through my brains and these pros and cons are taking a sort of hold on me. I easily get distracted and kind of hard to concentrate at work because i do not know whether my next decision would make my life better or worse.

My current job is good. Nothing much to complain but the obvious discern on the remunerations is a level of concern for me because its fairly obvious we are not rank some sort of priorities in terms of remunerations. In short they make us seems we are a dispensable lot. Irregardless of countless feedbacks, i fail to see any improvement or any fight for our cause and from the history of how the work place function, changes are expected to move at a glacial pace. The increment is so paltry i rather not mentioned it. The only good thing is there are bonuses coming along. Other than that, nothing else seems to be exciting or remotely to look forward to.

The job i applying offers a whole 500 dollars more. It is super enticing. Work wise basis there are higher and faster chances of one moving because its expanding and some arenas are pretty much in baby state. Company well established and you get to widen contacts and travel i guess at some point of time.

Base on the above, its kinda of a lopsided argument with the obivous choice of answers on which one to choose. However as everyone knows the other side might not always be a greener side. Everyone knows that. My worries is what if this change of step going cost me more than it benefits me.

In life everything involve a risk, if i truly change then i be back to square one learning about mixing with the dynamics of people, adapting to the corporate culture. Doing all i can to fit in again after fitting in here at my work place after like 2 yrs. Is this the right career move for me? My worries i guess is valid. it stands. What decision should i take? To move or not to move.

I am at work now. Skiving. My heart feels heavy and things hasnt been pretty or good for me but whats not new. Thats life as they say it.. I moving still even if its at a glacial pace i still moving..

The only thing that lift my spirit today is the post comment from an Adam who wrote about my posting on my tribute to Reuben.. To you thank you. Your small note has made my day. at least i doing something right.

To Reuben and the 4 others who lost your life and to Adam, i proud to say that i completed the standchart with a timing of slightly over an hour. The ran which i dedicated to the 5 of you who perished was a great one for me. I ran none stop.. coming from a first timer and one who have an operated knee i think i done them proud or at least i hope.. I done it thanks to you 5!

Well.. i acheive alot this year learn alot this year and still i made mistakes in my life. some are easily rectified while others are hard or even unable to repair. One mistake which i made this year recently is leaving me here with a heavy heart. My mind wonders alot today.. If you are reading this you know this posting is regarding what i done to you.. I have been dissapointed far too many times that i become a paranoid and sometimes even delusion crept in thinking of some disastrous ending or outcome even before it happen and yet still something that won even happen. I guess coming from experiences that left me kinda torn, i kinda do things that left others hurt and make mistakes that i shouldnt have.. if you reading this i am really sorry for the unneccesary pain and negative feelings that brought to you. You done nothing but have been extending a great hand of warmth listening ear and great comfort when i need it sometimes. Always ever ready.. I not reason out or explain myself to you. All i asking is that you could find it in your heart to just give me that one other chance. a Chance would be great gift to me and if not if you could forgive me that would be sufficient.

I been thinking alot yesterday night and today. i seen something about me that will and have to need some amendments. Life is about changes and what better than a change for the better. I hope to you all and you reading this you could assist me or bear with me for i am changing being the best person that i can be. My apologies to you all if i ever in any way done anything that might have hurt whether consciously or not.

Mood: heavy heart and down