I am at work now. Skiving. My heart feels heavy and things hasnt been pretty or good for me but whats not new. Thats life as they say it.. I moving still even if its at a glacial pace i still moving..

The only thing that lift my spirit today is the post comment from an Adam who wrote about my posting on my tribute to Reuben.. To you thank you. Your small note has made my day. at least i doing something right.

To Reuben and the 4 others who lost your life and to Adam, i proud to say that i completed the standchart with a timing of slightly over an hour. The ran which i dedicated to the 5 of you who perished was a great one for me. I ran none stop.. coming from a first timer and one who have an operated knee i think i done them proud or at least i hope.. I done it thanks to you 5!

Well.. i acheive alot this year learn alot this year and still i made mistakes in my life. some are easily rectified while others are hard or even unable to repair. One mistake which i made this year recently is leaving me here with a heavy heart. My mind wonders alot today.. If you are reading this you know this posting is regarding what i done to you.. I have been dissapointed far too many times that i become a paranoid and sometimes even delusion crept in thinking of some disastrous ending or outcome even before it happen and yet still something that won even happen. I guess coming from experiences that left me kinda torn, i kinda do things that left others hurt and make mistakes that i shouldnt have.. if you reading this i am really sorry for the unneccesary pain and negative feelings that brought to you. You done nothing but have been extending a great hand of warmth listening ear and great comfort when i need it sometimes. Always ever ready.. I not reason out or explain myself to you. All i asking is that you could find it in your heart to just give me that one other chance. a Chance would be great gift to me and if not if you could forgive me that would be sufficient.

I been thinking alot yesterday night and today. i seen something about me that will and have to need some amendments. Life is about changes and what better than a change for the better. I hope to you all and you reading this you could assist me or bear with me for i am changing being the best person that i can be. My apologies to you all if i ever in any way done anything that might have hurt whether consciously or not.

Mood: heavy heart and down