Hmmm... Commitment is something that comes across my mind today. Was just listening to random song and Yue Ding came up... Though Randomly the song brings a few things to mind.. That i witness an event the last two days that is base on the word commitment. The one that I witness and was a part of was a commitment in marriage where the sacred vows of marriage and love was professed to a girl and a guy.

Witnessing such an event brought a smile to my face and a tinge of sadness to my heart. Knowing that this was something so beautiful to witness and at the same time wondered will i get that same kind of commitment that happens not to people around me but to me. So far nothing worked out for me. All that i got was just rejections after rejections.

I so happy to see my friend got married to her prince charming and i sure he will be a fantastic husband to her. Sometimes i guess its nice to live and bask in the happiness of others. Its what sometimes one call a comfort cushion. A temporary borrowing of someone else happiness to liven up your own pathetic life. My life complicated and unless you know me you think i just taking the easy way out. I wish there was an easy way out Some form of psychotherapy or shock therapy. But i guess aftermath of living to the happiness of others when you are left on your own, you feel the sudden hollow and emptiness in your life. Loneliness crept in followed by some pangs of sadness then waves of emotion before culmination of tearing up. I live through another day many more days to come. What awaits me in the future no one knows how good or bad it is i guess i got to bite and pull through... Look in the direction of the sun and the rays will guide you to your happiness..

Mood : Mixture & Confuse

I knew Kenshi from the world of cyber for quite a while and well after perhaps a year or a year plus finally we met up on my second visit to KL.

He been nothing but sweet and so hospitable. Someone very tall yeah.. 1.9m the blardy bugger.. lol.. the Gentle giant of KL. Very sociable and affectionate person.. very at ease with telling people of how he feels nothing second guessing. Since i had Indera along, I was introduce to Alex another one of Kensh's friend.

A very well mannered man with quiet demeanour but well after warms up he a very nice person. warm as hell a person although rather quiet but ever full of smile and like Kenshi says " Never leave anyone behind" will always watch his back to make sure everyone walking together..

Well to you two thanks for your company. Thank you Kenshi for your hospitality. Its nice to have the super damn long chat with you and your great company over the whole time i was there. Say hello to the other two friend of yours whom we met at KLCC i think forgotten their names too. Lots of Love and Hugs!

Just over the last weekend i had made kinda of yet again another last minutre trip to Kuala Lumpur. The capital city of Malaysia.. This time the visit seems more interesting than the last time i was there.

The trip there was more adventurous than previously due to the many hiccups and screw ups but all went well.. Due to work schedules, I took the 3.30pm bus to KL from Transtar premium class treated good in the bus.. like in some airline.. no complaints!!

I met up with a friend in KL. First time meeting after knowing him for a long while actually. Due to again some faults, i was dropped off at Pasar Rakyat and not Puduraya as mentioned by the operator who sold me the tickets. Well thanks to the kind soul of the bus steward i was accompanied walk to the Pasar Wang where i decide to take the cab to meet my friend. Never in my life would i thought that taking a cab in Malaysia would be that challenging... cut story short i met up with Kenji and got to know his friend Alex..

Stayed overnite at his place before proceeding to Indera's relative house the next two subsequent night thanks to the no rooms available in KL. I got cruised when i was shopping alone in KLCC. the audacity of these youngsters.. I had a good meal at A&W, Kenny Rogers, Domino's pizza and some other snacks throughout the entire trip. Diet is thrown out the window.. Manage to get FCUK, Seeds, Padini and some other stuff.. Manage to even squeeze in two games of bowling.. some vegetating with drinks and party my nites aways in LA Queen and the club below it not sure whats its called..

Then back to Singapore and rushed for my lessons where i practically get stared at by the lecturer who thinks i some sort of a punk who aint serious about schooling and etc.. Well.. Part 2 of my KL Trip will be about my dear Kenshi and friends.. and Part 3 a short write up about my Club night. This is just the summaryof my trip to the land of the twin towers.. :)

I am at work now and yes if you are asking if am skiving again the answer is a yeah and a no. Well basically what needed to be done at work is done.. secondly its a short break from the long ardous time of staring at the screen...

I was just thinking many things have happen from my last posting till now and yeah i know i procrastinating about posting about my Stand Chart marathon stuff.. the medals and pic.. Well one is i am lazy to take picture of it secondly haha i cant find my bloody photo from the official organiser which SUCKS... but at least i have the medal to prove i DID it in the name of Reuben Kee and the other dragonboaters..

Second thing is i finally officially joined the dragon boaters of my work place and well forming a new team to work hard at dragonboating.. Yes i have become one of the dragonboaters... strange but true.. am a dragonboater now.. lol.. the irony of it all.. Well like they say you got to try everything once i guess. Achieve and try as much as possible and see where that leads me. Maybe i learn something about dragonboat and who knows i might even light it. the whole camadarie and etc.

So tomorrow onwards starts my short wild and busy schedule of what i call a short vacation which i sure is going to leave me SUPER exhausted. Tomorrow morning will be my photoshoot with the Asiaone for the finals. its an outdoor SHOOT!!! YIKES!!!! at VIVO city double YIKES!!!!

Next will have to rush down to golden Mile to catch my coach to Kuala Lumpur for 6 hours. While in that freaking coach have to do my reading for my class so that i won miss out on what the class did and discuss. A whole freaking book on politics, economics and such.. *yawn* Meeting Kenshi there at 9.30 and off havocing in KL haha till Indera comes..

Sat and Sun has yet to be mapped out other than the fact i will definitely gym there and check into the Hotel. then the shopping spree and endless walking begins from Sat til Sun. Party till we drop.... :P with dearest Indera again.. Jay cant join and Bryce far away in Yunnan. Would have love you guys there too.. Faisal guess too last min for him..

Then i come back on monday str8 rush to class for my lectures and tuesday is the quiz.. and back to work on tuesday.. Can you just imagine the kind of mad rush i going through.. SOOOOO can die..... Good thing is i make full use of my time and thats what i want. No more lazing on my ass got to get up and pumping again..

So wish me luck man.. hopefully i will not embarrass myself and do well in my new arena i taking..

My mind now is like the rat here. One small rat taking on the big world. Pretty daunting and quite honestly its one damn darn of a scary deal. I am currently at a cross road again. Its not about personal but more of a career sort of thing.

There are a few thoughts that been running through my brains and these pros and cons are taking a sort of hold on me. I easily get distracted and kind of hard to concentrate at work because i do not know whether my next decision would make my life better or worse.

My current job is good. Nothing much to complain but the obvious discern on the remunerations is a level of concern for me because its fairly obvious we are not rank some sort of priorities in terms of remunerations. In short they make us seems we are a dispensable lot. Irregardless of countless feedbacks, i fail to see any improvement or any fight for our cause and from the history of how the work place function, changes are expected to move at a glacial pace. The increment is so paltry i rather not mentioned it. The only good thing is there are bonuses coming along. Other than that, nothing else seems to be exciting or remotely to look forward to.

The job i applying offers a whole 500 dollars more. It is super enticing. Work wise basis there are higher and faster chances of one moving because its expanding and some arenas are pretty much in baby state. Company well established and you get to widen contacts and travel i guess at some point of time.

Base on the above, its kinda of a lopsided argument with the obivous choice of answers on which one to choose. However as everyone knows the other side might not always be a greener side. Everyone knows that. My worries is what if this change of step going cost me more than it benefits me.

In life everything involve a risk, if i truly change then i be back to square one learning about mixing with the dynamics of people, adapting to the corporate culture. Doing all i can to fit in again after fitting in here at my work place after like 2 yrs. Is this the right career move for me? My worries i guess is valid. it stands. What decision should i take? To move or not to move.

I am at work now. Skiving. My heart feels heavy and things hasnt been pretty or good for me but whats not new. Thats life as they say it.. I moving still even if its at a glacial pace i still moving..

The only thing that lift my spirit today is the post comment from an Adam who wrote about my posting on my tribute to Reuben.. To you thank you. Your small note has made my day. at least i doing something right.

To Reuben and the 4 others who lost your life and to Adam, i proud to say that i completed the standchart with a timing of slightly over an hour. The ran which i dedicated to the 5 of you who perished was a great one for me. I ran none stop.. coming from a first timer and one who have an operated knee i think i done them proud or at least i hope.. I done it thanks to you 5!

Well.. i acheive alot this year learn alot this year and still i made mistakes in my life. some are easily rectified while others are hard or even unable to repair. One mistake which i made this year recently is leaving me here with a heavy heart. My mind wonders alot today.. If you are reading this you know this posting is regarding what i done to you.. I have been dissapointed far too many times that i become a paranoid and sometimes even delusion crept in thinking of some disastrous ending or outcome even before it happen and yet still something that won even happen. I guess coming from experiences that left me kinda torn, i kinda do things that left others hurt and make mistakes that i shouldnt have.. if you reading this i am really sorry for the unneccesary pain and negative feelings that brought to you. You done nothing but have been extending a great hand of warmth listening ear and great comfort when i need it sometimes. Always ever ready.. I not reason out or explain myself to you. All i asking is that you could find it in your heart to just give me that one other chance. a Chance would be great gift to me and if not if you could forgive me that would be sufficient.

I been thinking alot yesterday night and today. i seen something about me that will and have to need some amendments. Life is about changes and what better than a change for the better. I hope to you all and you reading this you could assist me or bear with me for i am changing being the best person that i can be. My apologies to you all if i ever in any way done anything that might have hurt whether consciously or not.

Mood: heavy heart and down

I have live this year more fulfilling in terms of being healthy. Its two more days to my marathon run. It aint much i know i only going for the 10km run. But for a first timer and introduction to the world of marathon. I have come a long way from where i was.

From a guy who perpectually failed his 2.4 with a timing like 20 mins or less. I have now able to run 5km in half hour plus minus. Thats an achievement i guess.. Not to mentioned this is the fifth marathon i taken part in since the start of the year and i bet with you there are many more runs that i taking part. Marathons now is part of my exercise routine.

Well this run i going to try my best to run all 10km non-stop. I keep in mind the five dragonboaters who gave their life away.. Awe inspiring and sad to see them go.. The run will be for them. My own personal tribute to them : Running till i reach the end where victory awaits me always.. You guys will always be miss by your love ones.

So guys wish me luck for my run... to the five guys watch over us and see how i blaze the trails in your honour and remembrance..

I so excited to RUN...!!!!

To dear readers,

I have never knew whether people read my blog or who have come to by blog to read my entries. Base on resources it seems there are people who read my blogs and of course had some inklings about my life.

My first and foremost thanks to you for taking your time to read about details of my life, things that i have gone through and done and my feelings and emotions that i have been experiencing in which are recorded in here.

Well, whatever notions you have of me or think of me i hope that don not fixate me to somethings that you assume base on info that fallen here.. This is no doubt me without any cover ups but yeah if reading this and you form some bad impression or that i less than a normal human being then it be better that you don read my blog at all..

It tough enough be trying to be who i am at work and outside and at the same time disguising myself. I tired of trying to please all of you.. If you found out things about me and that you are scared because i am unlike the common you then please leave my blog. I tired of trying to fit into everyone's model. No one want to be born or become certain things or what i call flaws in themselves.

I don judge you who are you to judge me and think of yourself as a higher more worthier being than me. You don get to know me then don assume of me and if you seen me and etc don act all uncomfortable and look at me with that expression cause it hurts.. although i don show it but it does.. in a world where modernisation is happening at every corner it is sad to see that backdated mind still exist..

I am judge by you at work by who i am. My moving up the career ladder is hinders by who i am not how i work.. I am judged by the people around me like i am a second class citizen, a nigger in a white environment. I seen many looks on your face and as much as i ignore me it does stings sometimes..

I don ask to be who i am. You think i ask to be like this? My last words before you judge me and acts towards me in the manner that reflects negatively put yourself in my shoe.. DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT OTHERS TO DO UNTO YOU.

Well i sent my Thank You SMS to all those who have sent me wonderful gifts and well wishes when i turned a century years old..

Here are the lists of name in no particular order :

Indera, Idah & Sam, Yan, ridzuan, Jay, Faisal, Jasmine, Claire, osman, Chiow Lin, SIong Chye & Fay, Andrew and Friend, kelvin tan, kelvin chua, Junyu, Anneson, Nasser and friend, victor, mummy, justin, thomas, sharain, kak Ati, Kak Titin, Mark, Gus, cammy, Kym, Sharyn, Ching Ching, Miryanto, Kak Murni, Juli, Ramona, Izmir, Kak Liza.

And everyone else who have done things for me and well wishes i appreciate it.. the gift from your hearts i keep it safe and well in my heart.. LOVE YOU LOTS!

Well My party begins with the dinner at Minottie courtesy of indera's planning and the generous chef and the GF, Yi wen and Chef Andri.. Had a splashing good time and laugh there with Junyu who drove me around in his MINI COOPER.. one cool car.. Jay who came down from his camp.. Idah from work and Indera and Yi Wen...

The later part of the evening was spent going to the movies with dear Jay and Indera watching the ever loved story of Enchanted.

Second Day spent my day nursing my raging migraine.. after which went to do my Hip Hop Class and lastly went on at night clubbing at PLAY with Indera and Jay.. The incident with the Germans were hilarious and had a good time dancing the night away..

Lastly on a sunday where my BBQ starts.. Most of the confirmed guest list came down and amidst the heavy rain that occur midway through the bbq.. all went quite well with many gifts.. i need to insert one more gift very special one from my lovable dearest sister who makes the cookies..

Thats the short summary of what i did over the last weekend.. The thank you posting will come in tomorrow.. PRomise as i got to go and sms them thanks for everything..

These pictures you see are the gifts that i have received from people i love who loves me back of course... here are the list :

A CK Tote Bag

A NUM Laptop bag

Braun Buffel Luggage tag

Cufflinks from cant remember brand

Nice Pink Polo Tee

A Casio swiming diving watch

A side pouch

Addidas latest sport set

Japs series swimming trunks

and few boxes of chocolates..

The thank you notes will come in the next blog.

This posting here will supercede my report on the birthday celebration that i had over the weekend. This heartbreaking news that i got during my BBQ is something that totally shocked and saddened me. It is truly and really sad to see someone to go so soon much less not one but five of them.

It was during my BBQ party that someone mentioned to me about the dragonboating incident that took place and had caused the lives of 5 Singaporean. What caught my attention was one of them was the Mister Singapore World 2006. The initial pique interest on the guys where mostly on the fact that he is some sort of a celebrity. SO the interest brought me to scourge for the news that had reported the incidents and what was the initial curiosity became something that touched me tremendously and one that left me in tears knowing someone great like him was lost at such an early age. Yes in matter of hours he click to my heart and have be bawling.

Mr Reuben Kee, Mister Singapore World 2006 was not just your regular jock. He is someone who has a deep passion for the arts particularly music. Despite his lean tall musculatory frame lies a sensitive heart that beats tremendously for people around him. His coaching to the kids in swimming, his motivations training his fellow school mates and his magical soft touch that brings many great tunes and composition left me in awe of this guy. A much living legend living right on this small island here where i reside. How can i not bawl my eyes out knowing that he is a regular guy that live and breathe the same air i did. We must have patronise the same Orchard road many times and now this guy who could have become something great is gone. His potentials no one will ever get to see. I read his blog his last entry seems like he knew something was wrong.

Well, I knew from reading that he wants to make an impact on the world and make changes for the world and impact people. Well in his life he did impact alot and whoever reads this and Reuben himself i want him to know that even in his death he has impact people. One person for sure he is impact me tremendously. In the spasm of just 23 years of his life, he has done so many things some people takes a lifetime to achieve. In 23 years many people were affected by him. Many people missed and love him.

I want to go away like that. I want to go away knowing that my life has impact many others. I want people to know me that i am someone who live life to the fullest and to the parents of Reuben my condolences for your lost. I cant imagine how you feel right now. Losing a son watching him grow and to have him leave before you must be a pain no parents should bear. My heart goes out to you. But your son has been a source of inspiration for many and more to come.

This is my tribute to you Reuben Kee. You will always be a source of inspiration for me. Trust me big changes will come my way and you will be someone i look up to. You shall see. Rest in peace. My condolences to the other 4 dragonboaters who have lost your lives. It is really waste and sad to see life wasted at such a time where your talents and gifts coul have benefitted many people.

May god always be with you.

Today is the eve of my birthday and what is suppose to be the entry done this morning is done late night half hour before i officially turn a quater century years old. Yes.. The sign here is the birth of the sagitarius sign which ahem happens to fall on the day of my birthday so yes i am a half centaurian and half human.. So adequately i am half beast so the wild side of me has the attribution from the sign in which you behold.

Well tomorrow starts the big celebration with the dinner at Minotti... I am definitely going to have my tagiliatale with my king scallops and beef carpacio hahahaha.. IDAH is going to be so jealous.. and of course my all time fav apple pie.. HMMM not sure if i should sink my teeth into the gellatio ice cream after all it is fat free. hahaha the less guilty i feel the lesser time i spend in the gym..


I think Indera is getting me the Calvin Klein bag that i want and i gettin my hellgate london from Bryce.. I got a printed T from Sharain and lots of other stuff.. so yeah.. right now i am in the middle of a conversation witha new found friend.. so yeah.. well that is for now.. i will post the MInotti photos tomorrow and i wil update on my Marathon that is coming soon.. :P

Wish me luck and FAZIL HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Well two more days to my birthday... the official 25 years of age.. but life been much better today. Not feeling so lousy. The good gift i got so far is this list below..

My dear beloved Sister : Thank you for tha lovely cardigan.. u know how much i want that... lol

Sharain & family : thank you for the lovely floral print shirt which i sure.. i will use on my party..

Mom and Sister : Thanks for that nice outing by the beach.. love the spending time together...

johnathan Benson Avila : Thanks for coming back into my life.. Thanks for the promise you made.. though small it meant a lot. The friendship and you means alot to me :P love you always..

Idah /Yan/Kak M & working family : Love ya guys to bits thanks for all the support..

There will be many more thanks blog to come but until then these are the few i can remember...

CHEERIOS!!!

The pics taken 17 Nov 07. Another Cam whoring days in Macdonald though courtesy of photographer Indera Putra. I look so MAT i know.. very malay beng but who cares.. haha My first day out wearing the shawl since its the IN thing now.. Had a good spending time with Dear Jay and Indera..

Feeling lousy still now that its three days away from my official 25 years of age. For some strange reason i looking forward to the sunday bbq because a couple of very important people in my life is going gather together at the bbq. thats is by far the sweetest deal i have for the coming birthday celebration. It does fill me with a tinge of sadness to know that those beautiful young days of mine are practically gone.. Well everyone path cross someday again i sure but in the meantime i just feel like its a quarter of a century and i felt like i achieve nothing in the life.

I wonder if where i am now is where i planned to be at the age of 25. Have i acheive things that i wanted? Am i still in limbo? Where do i wanna be I am not sure anymore. I am now at a cross road in my working life? Do i quit to try to do something which is more what my interest lies and do i stick to a job because i need the money to pay off other things? I consulted mommy on it and mommy do what you think is best for yourself? What is best for me?I feel kinda lost right now..

I met Kevin a long time friend and a boss whom I have admired for his work ethics and charisma in work. His questions about what i want to do kinda hit me for a while there.. What do i want to do? What exactly am i seeking for? Right now i don even know what i want to do? I lost..

What going on?

*SCREAMS FOR HELP*

Today is the 19th November 2007. I left with four days before i officially turn 25 leaving behind the number 24 forever. It just seems like yesterday i was celebrating my 23rd birthday and wah Lah before you know it i am two years older than i last remember.

Well in the case where time never waits for no man.. this is the scenario.. I guess once you start working you be so busy with work that you forgot everything else and then before you know it time passes you by fast..

I am sick today. I guess its been quite a while and finally my body aint strong enough to fight against it. So far its been good and great until today where i finally fall ill. Its the common flu. PLENTY of FLUID lost through my nose.. Umpteen amount of tissues are being used and boxes too thanks to my running tap nose that has loads of fluids lost and crazy.. its getting on my nerves and my nose is stil red and sore.. what to do..

Tomorrow will be going back to work.. SIGH.. sad sad sad.. so tiring man.. thing going to go to sleep soon.

Past next friday and i will be officially a quarter century years old. Just like the picture i wish i can put a stop sign as and when i feel like and have that work for me. The sad part of it all this is what i would call as a wishful thinking on my part. There going be gatherings over a few days celebrating my one more year older.

Somehow i din relate any of this to my friends that rather than feeling elated i feel rather subdued and down actually and it gets so now that its drawing nearer to my official quarter century years old. Don get me wrong i enjoy all this small miracles of life ( Royston if you reading this yes i do read your motivational emails that you send me) i am thankful for every breath i take that keeps me awake the next day.

But somehow i just feelmy life seems fleeting and its becoming apparent that somehow along the way many things are beginning to not fit for me. It does not feels comfortable for me anymore. I getting lost to be honest. I welcome silence, imaginary world of mine that i created every night before i go to sleep on my bed. Yes, i do those things these imaginaries scenarios that i created for myself sort of to comfort myself. I don know its not that things around me are dark and bad times. I 25 years old yes i am still young but i seen enough and sometimes my life just have blockages that makes it difficult for me to do what i want to...

Life is fleeting and you got to make the most of it. I believe i am trying. I doing all i can but each day each time i feel somewhat as if i achieve nothing of much that i feel hei! i did a good thing today i achieve something.. Like trying on sizes so far things are either too big or too small.. Work is fine, its getting pretty laid back now that most of the important stuff are done and over with.. but yet now i at work i don feel so good, the stares i get from people, the ignorance look i get.. the no apparent !@#$%^ face i get from people.. I tired of being politically correct all the time at work.. To ask becomes not proactive, and when proactive we are told to do some judgements; so to act on it or not to act on it becomes more of a battle i do everyday at work.. its tough when you have to adapt to so many frequent changes of people around you and it just bores you down.. i do feel demoralised at work.. think its time to change...

My personal life well what can i say is as that is waiting for an absolution.. what i am waiting for i do not know... everything is so trancient and i don know where each of them heading.. but with signs and telltales its leading no where with anyone of them i am in contact with..

People say growing up is a pain.. somehow i feel its not pain sometimes it can be excruciating.. there are of course at times where its feels like heaven.. i am 25 years old.. life gets complicated and it gets entangled more and more as years gone by.. life screws us up or we screw lifes up either ways we are screwed..

Mood: Melancholy (listening to Casper's Lullaby)

Isnt she just adorable... by baby niece.. well i paid tribute to her sister and brother so i thought she should grace my blog as one of the cutest one important in my life.. These three rascals are my darling babies...

Love them to bits..

What u think cute right? so Photogenic lafff!!!

Here are some of the pics i took during my marathon.. think its called the Civil Service Marathon.. only 4.4 km but the route abit tough upslope and downslopes all the way.. abit irritating hahaha.. but well i did it again YEAH! Yeah! Yeah!... Yes those of you who knows me.. i not a runner person but this year i completed 3 marathons with my last one coming end of the year the Standard Chartered RUN!!! 10KM Yikes! So I have been training for the big EVENT!!! so yeah... me a health running freak NoW!

Today is what i called a day away from work and tomorrow will be the same as today. I am so bored today and since i been procratinating about every going to write into my blog and updates on the upcoming events and past events that happen in my life..

Well as per always i meet some jerk. The silent treatment is the same as always and there are always these people around. So well i just let it go and since i never did lost anything other than the fact of stupid convetrsation and my bloody time. To you i just have to say you are one hell of a idiot and should have just return back to your country and never to return here.

Well anyway i got to know more people and i trying so hard to find time to meet them as promised and well.. i haven been able to find the time to do so. Look even my blog has to be written during my lunch break from my course how jialat is that. Welll anyway to Kenji, Dave and the few others thansk for taking that much time to get to knwo me and having great conversations with me.. I will try my best to find a time slot to fit you guys in i swear.

Well another thing i had to do some job that requires a bit of travelling!!! YEAH! HOORAY!! i went and came back the next day. It was a mad rush but made a few good friends.. the experience was cute travelling first time on my own and having to go around was fun too.. A great sense of exploration it is abit dangerous but hei.. thats somehow the thrill of it. I manage to get myself a tag heuer watch which is nice.. hahaha...

Well hmm i now on course and i am so tired man doing all those work.. and my exams is this sat and yet my assignment not even done. YIKES! the audacity of me right.. I even manage to go catch a movie on sunday. You all should watch stardust a great movie with great cast.. hehe LOVE IT..

This is just an update of what has been happening since the last time i was here. Just for a short time i have already gone through a month of fasting. Went through a period of Hari Raya with not much of festivities...

I just got back from house visiting with my poly band mates.. Tired as hell more updates to come.. Oh yeah just finish my exam for my journalism yesterday.. more to come in two weeks.. DIE DIE

I lost weight yeah... left 2.5 more to lose and then i be 61 then after that lost another few kg and i back to 59

yeah...

Well for a start its been the third week into the fasting month, next Saturday is the festive Hari Raya Puasa. For the non muslim out there, No its not a new year for the muslim but the celebration of 1 month of fasting. So honestly, the festive this year does not rake any excitement in me.. Other than the fact that i will enjoy close times for a few days with my most immediate family and those that have departed(seriously no kidding) The festive months just get more sombre as each year comes along..

Well anyway, Bryce came back for two weeks so sort of had a kinda of a rush catching up to do with late nights with Indera and on weekend with Jay.. Was nice and comfortable when someone close from your past becomes a present again.. Am glad for his presence.. 12 years doesnt count for nothing you know. will Look forward to his reprisal in Singapore come December with his other half too..

The weeks have been an interesting week. Got to know a couple of people and suprisingly they all are not as what i had expected. Some are pleasantly pleasing some are not. But all in all its a good experience. Certain someone is suppose to contact me after his one week holiday stint in Bangkok. What happen? why the silence? Another certain other looking forward to meet up with you. One other Someone din expect you to seek your other half.. had no inkling that was in the agenda at all but hei i don mind who knows right.

I have been very tired lately coupled with almost daily late night and the disruption of sleeping time due to the morning feast due to our fasting makes my body haywire. So Sleepy at work and school.. Dying but stilll surviving... The good thing about fasting i don feel hungry.. just that i feel lethargic thats all.

The desperate attempt now to get myself all psyche for the festivities i listening to the radio at work to all the festive songs. I may not feel like having to celebrate it and my uber sombre mood is sure to bring it a couple of notches down for others. I mean why drag others down so got to get in the mood, need to make it exciting for my nephew and 2 nieces. I had a good childhood when it comes to Hari Raya so i want them to have that same happiness and experience i had during my childhood days.

so Yeah YOO Hoooo hari Raya hari Raya..!!! ( with faked enthusiasm)

Suppose to be writing this on the first day of the fasting month.. Unfortunately time did not permit.. School Kept me busy... and all..

so just a notification.. of this SCRAP!

This is the time where the headache comes not from my work life but my personal life. There been a tad too many things happening suddenly at the same time that now i cant help it but have a headache just thinking about it. As you would have guess this blog comes from another day at the starbucks. Yes i know i am dying with no cash inflow but then again its at the starbucks that my inspiration will come and fill me up.

However i do have to emphasise that today headache is different from the normal headache that i have because this time it is more of a pleasant kind of headache.The kind that makes a smile, to my face that is the kind fo pleasantries. Let see for a start.. there is a couple of people whom suddenly express interest in me and that these people have been nothing but sweet to me.

This time i guess i have to make an effort to make sure that at least i manage to get ot knwo all of them and then i have to make some decision making. I do have some impression of some of them on whom i am suppose to choose. However let just see how that falls into place or not. Dates and meet up have been lined up so we shall have to wait and see..

Mood: Smiling but wary!

Today is what i would consider my personal stress day. Work itself has worked itself so well that i do not have any big major problem at work and infact that there is nothing to do practically everyday. It has been a rather mundane at work day in day out because most of my work are out and that now that the major meeting and assembly in New York are in place there is nothing much to do except to wait for the outcome of it all because everything else has been pre-prepared.

What has been stressing me out these days is home stuff and all that comes with the word home. That has been nothing but stressful. First and foremost its the registration for the home stuff which is of course the payment for the balance of payment. Dad got a bits or two anger from me. I know like what Joo said i shouldnt do that to dad but sometimes i already bogged down with so many things to do. The least he can do for now is to take care of the billing and make sure what paper is there and etc. He will come with stupid papers that is anythingbut the bill paper that is from HDB. He been paying bills for so long he should know what does a HDB bill looks like right?

Then there is a problem with the stupid cctv thingy outside the house and the HDB being all anal about it. Which is of course i will have to do something about it and handle the whole affair. I sometimes cant help it but wonder why is it sometimes i can have the luxury of what the other people my age have. Their concern is of course when and where is the next holiday. what to buy with the latest salary. Going clubbing or not.

My concern at every payday is what to pay what need to get done what need to do what have to be checked howmuch do i have to last till next payday. What the account balance like? I sometimes feel trapped by all these unwanted stuff that i have to get done which can get rather unnerving. I don show it at home to mom and dad of course because i think they have suffered enough since we were all young but sometimes i feel that sometimes certain things my sibling seems abit complacent about it. No one ask me if i am ok handling so many things at one shot. No one ask if i needed help with anything with the arrangements of house or anything. I just tired sometimes really tired... but for my parents sake i just have to buck up and move and move.

My parents are handling the bills and all but sometimes its just the whole ordeal of it that sometimes i cant take it the other nitty gritty details of stuff that comes again and again its just a strain to me. Sometimes i cant help it but hates the growing up part. The best part is i not even married yet and i wonder how if i am married. I never want to get married if life comes with an even worse problems than the one i having now. NO way. Life is just too tough as it is and to be responsible for even more things and people. I'll pass thats for sure.

This posting stems from my boredom at work and generally at everything iteslf. I have to try to better myself at english. I think my grammar and my spelling and other are still very rampant with mistakes and this need to be worked out.

Its Thursday and i feeling bored despite the fact that i have noticed that my schedule these days

have been packed with meeting many new people. Seriously nothing concrete but just just plain meet up. Some come some goes. So I am being proactive here with meeting up people.

Work has been on the slow lately which is good time for me to breathe. Able to do some filing and slacking at work.Finally! hahaha! School work is moving but at a Tremendously slow pace and i have to read an email from a friend Sharon saying she finished her post assignment and just have some snipping and clearing up to do. Such audacity in finishing so fast. I got to pull up my socks man. DAMN1